while most men might only think about their dicks, the penetration, speed, strength, trusts, loosing control, going faster and deeper.. the secret to caring about your female partner lies in the clitoris. don’t get me wrong, the whole body is important, actually caring for each other is even more important; eyes, kissing, connection is important. I take for granted in this article that they are all present. I’m starting from: you’re naked, you both agreed, you’re both excited, she wants you, you want her, you’re already inside.

“18.4% of women reported that intercourse alone was sufficient for orgasm,

36.6% reported clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse,

and an additional 36% indicated that, while clitoral stimulation was not needed, their orgasms feel better if their clitoris is stimulated during intercourse”

(Herbenick, D et al. 2015)

Now I would say that slowing down at the right moment is essential, so is annoying her slightly, so she is more present. she might ask, “why did you stop?”; “why are you slowing down?”, “go faster”; just ignore all that. She doesn’t need to tell you what to do, a slow, constant build-up is key, with moments of reversal; as if you are an orchestra director, with flows in and out, slower, faster, more intense, less intense, a danse; time stopped existing a while ago, you are no longer in this quest for results. enjoy the moment, feel her, feel deeper, feel her heart, feel her desire, feel her breath.

and then, slide your hand into position, slip out a little to spread her juices on her clitoris, play, in, out, clitoris, in, out. and finally put your fingers into place and go SLOOOOWWWWWWW.

slow down, more your focus on your fingers, think of it as pushing someone up a hill, slowly, but with great determination, she cannot feel any moments of being left alone or she’ll fall right back down.

hold her clitoris, play with it, slide your fingers one side, another side, make her feel contented, loved, put pressure yet not too much, sometimes put so little pressure she can barely feel you, but she knows you are there. Play, define, let it happen, feel her getting closer yet don’t accelerate, in fact, the closer she gets, decelerate; a few, slow strokes, ever more subtle; so she reaches out to you, as if her clitoris was reaching out to your finger, be defiant, let her reach out, and welcome it, rub both sides are once, go deeper, stronger, and yet slow down, confuse her, make her want more and under-deliver.

under delivering is the key. now by a lot, just slightly. slightly less than she expects, when her breath is taken away, when she’s reached, slow down even more, be more subtle and sometimes let her feel your strength too.

you are there, so is she, she’s helpless, she can’t take it anymore, you’ve gained control, and then let yourself go, be wild, undefined, feel and be free, give and take; while relating.

all of this, while relating.